Life Through My Eyes

...a Blog about REAL Life.

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Free at Last, Free at Last!

I've been experiencing some very deep and personal revelations this week, not the least of which is how uber-responsible I feel for just about EVERYTHING! My "smart brain" is quite aware of where the lines are and I hold them pretty well on a conscious level, but I've come to realize that on a very deep and integral level of my psyche, if something goes wrong or someone's disappointed, I believe it's MY fault. If expectations are not met, communication isn't clear, or conflict or disruption occurs...I'm responsible. If the energy is out of balance, I've tipped it. If someone doesn't have enough money, or love, or time, or Self's my job to make sure they get it. If someone doesn't like or respect or appreciate me, it's because I'm not likable, respectable, or valuable, i.e...I'm responsible for their opinion of me. very arrogant of me! 

Is it possible that I'm just now waking up to the reality that other people's opinions, judgments, dramas, and even their realities are not about ME???? heehee That just makes me giggle. Not only is it possible, but it's about damn time! I've been draggin' around that bloody stump for lifetimes. Free at last, free at last! 

Now on to the task of integration. Yep, it will take concerted, intentional, uber-responsibility for MYSELF to shift that maddening screech of Self-repudiation into one of Self-love and gentle Self-acceptance, especially in the face of adversity, confusion, or conflict...seen and unseen...spoken and unspoken. It will require that I shift that harsh, critical knee-jerk reaction within myself into one of fervent curiosity and grace for the human that I am...that we all are, and ultimately to let go of those who do not serve me, or feel served by me, with love and acceptance for the lessons learned. Ahhh, yes! That's where I'm going. This awakening business takes work, but as uber-responsible and committed as I am, it shouldn't take long to get there. :) 

Care to carpool? We can share the ride if you can pitch in for gas (did I say that out loud?!)...or, I'll just see you on the other side! 

Monday, April 4, 2011

Moving Through

 “I know this territory, although I've not been here before. There is a moment...really, it's more like a split-second...when the veil is lifted and reality flashes across my face, burning into my eyes. When the burning stops and I can see again, the Truth is right there...the undeniable, unavoidable, inevitable Truth of all that my ego has mastered to hide from me. And it is over. Tears stop. Fear subsides. Confusion becomes clarity. The change I've been pushing against has come and I can no longer see the life that was mine, not even from the moment before. Nor do I have the desire to search for it or take away some souvenir so as not to forget. I won't forget. And I won't remember. 

I am healed. I breathe. I open my heart. I am forever who I am, from this point forward, and I am grateful.”  Kate Bares-Johnson Copyright 2010

I wrote this piece last year, in the aftermath of grief. It was a powerful and painful experience that I resisted for several months, possible years, before I finally surrendered and let it move me to freedom…to a deeper place in myself than I’ve ever known. I was in the midst of changing my life and with any transformation, we must let go of what “was” in order to allow what “is” and move into new awareness and acceptance. Sometimes those changes are by choice; sometimes they’re not within our control, yet we’ll go through the same process either way…the process of grief: denial, anger, confusion, sadness, and ultimately, acceptance.

So, if your life or relationships feel suddenly disrupted or chaotic, or you feel those confusing feelings of grief and sadness and can’t pinpoint why, simply give yourself time. Give yourself plenty of room to be human. Allow yourself the anger and confusion, but remember it is there to be healed. And then, when you're ready, give yourself to the sadness and allow yourself to move all the way through it. It will take you to that sweet, soft place in your Soul and you will know that you are home. 

Saturday, April 2, 2011

Shift or be Shifted!

We, as a planet, are transforming rapidly and the changes and shifts we’re experiencing seem to be shaking us to our core, literally. Disruption, destruction, disasters…it’s all so much to take in at once and the affects create a deep and sometimes unconscious feeling of powerlessness and fear. We can rationalize and compartmentalize each situation to find a sense of balance, but internally, we will experience the collective disruption and destruction that’s occurring and we will grieve not only for those who are in the midst of the chaos and trauma, but for ourselves. This is really happening...and it's happening for all of us. 

Unfortunately, understanding the reality of a thing does not necessarily or automatically equip us with the ability to accept it. All the right words don't help either. They may help later, but for now, they fall on our own deaf ears. No, you can't talk yourself into acceptance, but you will do your best to talk yourself out of it!

Acceptance isn't something you can think your way through, because it doesn't take place in the brain. That's where denial and fear flail about, while acceptance occurs quietly, down deep, in the very fiber of your being. It is a slow burn, deep into the recesses of your awareness, where, when you’re finally ready to come out of the fog, it is waiting for you to slide into...soft and easy like silk. That slow burn is grief. It hurts and you will fight at first to put out the fire. But it is the fire that melts the pain, if you let it. Then, almost without warning, when you're really, finally, completely are truly free. 

You may find yourself feeling the pangs and waves of grief as our planet shifts in consciousness and awareness, and you’re not alone. That’s the beauty of it…we’re truly NOT alone. We are experiencing this transformation as a collective consciousness and it will move us into a new way of being…a true way of being…if we’re willing. 

I'm willing. Are you?